I wasn’t really sure my life would be, 15 years ago…

Am I an Introvert or just regular kid without a confident.

The story began when I was just 10 years old, I lived in the small town, my lovely hometown called Bogor, I was in the elementary school, talking with the one and only best friend.

I consider myself as a normal kid when I just sitting alone and all by myself, while watching all the peoples you know playing together.

I have 3 siblings and we’re all boy, I never feel lonely though, cause when you have brothers that living together, then you always fighting or could be playing together depends on the situation in your house.

Back to the story, I went to school everyday always with my neighbor, she has a child, and he was my first best friend, we went school together since we were just 5 yo. So, yes I always play with him either in school or home, but the thing is, he left when we were in the 3rd grade. I went to school everyday alone, only with my mom. I sitting in the back of the class, alone , never talking and not even focus in study. I don’t understand at all, everything! I was very shy to ask someone in front, back or even next to me, while everybody were studying together asked the smartest kid to teach them. Sadly, I can’t even go there, I was just sat alone and pretended do something. I rarely talk to anyone, I don’t do socialize, always have thought that something is wrong, am I weird, why is it hard to say “hi”. I felt always shy in every situation.

A year passed, I’m still in the school wondering when this will be done. I was in the 4th grade, again sitting alone in the back, without any friend. After quite sometimes, there is new kid, just moved from other school, apparently he is not like the other, he has a bucktooth.

This kid is become a major bullied victim by others. I’m feeling so bad about him, so I started to talk and consider him as a friend. At first he ignored me, cause he thought nobody will ever consider him as a friend. He has hardest time than me, everyone bully him, I can’t do anything with that, so I just said ignore it. Two years is gone we were finally done with elementary. We had totally different path, we chose different school. A year passed, I was in the public area, and met my old friend. Without any doubt I asked him, how is his life going on, he did not say anything for 3 minutes, and left . I was wondering what is happening, then I got the answer from his parents that all of his friends bullied him, so he could not stand anymore and decided to not continue go to school.

I learned a lot from that circumstance. I decided to become more active at school, getting a lot of friend and just quit from my comfort zone. I tried everything to get attention in a positive way. My goal is to stop people who is always bully others, and embrace those who has the same situation just like me and my old friend.

My work is on progress, slowly but sure I am in the right path, I got a lot a friend for being open, even though I needed sometimes for being alone. I embraced those people who is exactly has the same problem just like me and connecting with others.

Another two years passed, I am in the high school with different peoples. In the first day I failed to make friend. Then suddenly, my feeling is back. The feeling that you have no brave, anxious, and feels forever alone. I panicked, but then I tried to be myself again but more smile on my face. On that day, I met two new guys approach me, and making conversation. I felt calm, and enjoyed every second. We became friends after that.

I was still thinking, what exactly am I, I am not an extrovert guy, neither Introvert. Clearly, I consider myself as an Ambivert, I have both situation that makes me so weird. In one day sometimes I feel excited, and right after that I feel wanna jump into somewhere by myself.

I kept learning to be more open and talkative and more friendly to others, I learned to talk and making conversation using a mirror. Sometimes I made videos to review myself.

For someone out there, who has same problem and situation just like me, you could try to be more open, when you try at first time you will see the difference.

I wrote this based on my experience, was not thinking to teach others.

I would thank to those who read my article, write a comment and share your story.